Helping Our Little Humans With BIG Feelings
Have you ever read an email that immediately hit you the wrong way? The kind that makes your stomach drop and your hands shake? You feel the urge to respond right away, but instead, you pause, take a deep breath, and decide to step away and revisit it later.
That pause? That’s emotional regulation. And it’s something you’ve had years to practice.
Our children, on the other hand, are just getting started.
Why Big Feelings Lead to Big Reactions
Most parents have seen this scene before: your toddler wakes up from a nap in a great mood (a win!), you offer a snack, and suddenly a full meltdown occurs because the snack was placed in the wrong bowl. The blue bowl was clearly the correct choice… not the green one, but how were you supposed to know? You’re not a mind reader?!
Toddlers and young children haven’t yet developed impulse control or emotional regulation skills. Their brains are still growing, and meltdowns are often the result of being overwhelmed, overstimulated, or unable to communicate what they need.
This is where caregivers play a crucial role.
Teaching Emotional Regulation Starts With Us
One of the most important things we can do as parents and caregivers is teach and model self-regulation skills. These are lifelong skills, and it’s never too early to begin practicing them.
Because children are still in the early stages of social and emotional development, it’s essential to:
Maintain a calm presence
Be consistent with language and approach
Model the behavior we want to see
Children learn regulation through us.
Where Do I Start?
This part is key:
When your child is having a meltdown, it is NOT a teachable moment.
Skills like coping, problem-solving, and emotional regulation should be practiced when your child is calm, not when they are escalated. Once those skills are familiar, they can be gently supported during more challenging moments.
Mid-tantrum is not the time for:
Teaching
Negotiating
Reasoning
Punishing
Instead, focus on staying calm, ensuring safety, offering support, and riding the wave with them.
As Your Child Begins to Calm Down
Once your child starts to come down from a tantrum, you can slowly re-engage.
Maintain a calm tone
Offer comfort (hugs, proximity, reassurance)
Offer water
Transition into a teachable moment
You might say:
“I know you were really angry when your brother took your toy. It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hurt people. What can we do instead when we feel that way?”
Together, you can practice alternatives like:
Taking deep breaths
Taking a break
Using words (“I wasn’t done playing with that.”)
Asking for help
Breathing: A Simple (but Powerful) Tool
Breathing can sound like an overly simple suggestion. We breathe all day long, after all! But purposeful breathing is different.
Purposeful breathing involves:
A deep inhale that expands the belly
Holding the breath for a moment
A slow, complete exhale
When children are young, they need us to model this skill. During tough moments, a simple directive like, “Look at me. Take a breath,” paired with you visibly taking a breath, can be incredibly grounding.
When your child attempts it, even briefly, offer praise:
“I love how you took a breath.”
Then gently invite another if they’re willing.
Taking a Break (Not a Punishment)
Some children benefit from stepping away from an overstimulating environment. This might mean going to their bedroom or another quiet space where they can reset.
This is not a punishment.
It’s an opportunity to regain composure.
A calm space might include:
Books
Coloring
Quiet toys
If you’re not at home, finding a quieter, less stimulating area can help achieve the same goal.
Offering Choices to Reduce Power Struggles
Children, just like adults, want a sense of control. Offering simple choices helps meet that need and can significantly reduce power struggles.
Examples include:
“Do you want a bowl or a plate?”
“Do you want to go to the neighborhood park or the big park?”
“Do you want to play with blocks or read a story?”
Choices help children understand cause and effect, express preferences, and feel empowered, without putting adults and children in constant opposition.
A Big Thought About BIG Feelings
We are not born knowing how to regulate our emotions. Emotional regulation is learned through observation, practice, and coaching.
Children are watching how we respond to stress, frustration, and disappointment. And the truth is, many adults are still learning these skills themselves.
Helping children with big feelings starts with us modeling how to manage our own.
Support for Children and Families in Columbus, Ohio
If emotional regulation, tantrums, or behavioral concerns are feeling overwhelming, additional support can make a meaningful difference.
At Warburton Family Practice, we provide therapy and psychological evaluations for children and adults in Columbus, Ohio. We work with families to build emotional regulation skills, strengthen parent-child connections, and support healthy development in a compassionate, collaborative environment.
If you have concerns or would like guidance, we’re here to help.
