It’s Hard to Know What to Say
We’ve all been there. Someone we care about is upset, and we don’t know what to say, or if we should say anything at all. We usually approach these moments with the best intentions, but sometimes our words can unintentionally fall short.
Life can be unpredictable, and grief, sadness, or stress affects everyone differently. Learning how to support the people we care about is an important skill, and sometimes, the best thing we can do is simply listen and be present.
Phrases to Avoid
When someone is upset, certain responses can feel dismissive or make the person feel misunderstood. Here are some common examples to avoid:
“Why don’t you just…”
“Yes, that happened to me and I…”
“At least…”
“You need to do something to cheer yourself up”
“I totally understand what you are going through.”
“Don’t cry. It’s okay.”
“It will all be okay.”
“When I felt that way, I found this helpful.”
Even with good intentions, these phrases can unintentionally minimize feelings or redirect the focus away from the person who is struggling.
Helpful Things to Say
Instead, try using phrases that validate their feelings and offer support:
“How are you feeling now?”
“How was that for you?”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like…”
“That sounds like it was incredibly painful.”
“I’m here to listen.”
“Do you want to tell me more about that?”
“Is it helpful to share with me, or maybe we could just sit together?”
“Is there anything you would like to hear to support you?”
“Do you want me to listen or help problem-solve?”
“It sounds like this is really hard for you. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to someone about this?”
Sometimes, the most meaningful support comes from simply being present. Ask your loved one what role they want you to play and honor that. Constant advice or problem-solving, while well-meaning, is often not what someone needs in a moment of grief or sadness.
When to Seek Help
If you ever have serious concerns about someone’s safety, do not handle it alone. Reach out to professionals and ensure their support system is aware. Mental health professionals can provide guidance for coping with grief, sadness, or emotional crises safely and effectively.
At Warburton Family Practice in Columbus, Ohio, we provide compassionate therapy and support for children, adults, and families navigating difficult emotions. Whether you’re dealing with grief, sadness, or other life challenges, we can help guide you through these moments with care, understanding, and professional support.
