Let’s Stop the “Smart” Talk: Praise the Process, Not the Product
At some point in childhood, we all notice that there are “smart” kids in our class. Sometimes, we even feel like we’re not as smart as others. Adults, teachers, coaches, and relatives often reinforce this idea by praising children as “smart.” It doesn’t come from a place of ill intent; we think it’s a compliment and a word of praise. But what does it really mean to be smart?
If you ask a child, you might hear answers like:
They finish tests first.
They get to work with advanced groups in math or science.
They get excellent grades.
They don’t seem to have to try.
In other words, children often equate being “smart” with learning coming easily. But here’s the problem: smart and easy are not the same thing, and treating them as interchangeable can create difficulties later.
The Downside of “Smart” Praise
When kids believe that being smart means something comes easily, challenges can become stressful. If a subject no longer comes easily, a child who was praised as “smart” may struggle with:
Loss of confidence
Fear of making mistakes
Avoidance of challenges
Praise shapes how children see themselves. Words matter. Instead of labeling children as “smart,” we can focus on their efforts, strategies, and achievements.
Shift Praise to Process and Effort
Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” try emphasizing what the child did, observed, or how they approached the task. Some examples include:
“I love how hard you worked on that problem.”
“You finished that quickly! Let’s try something different together.”
“You had a really interesting perspective that I hadn’t thought of.”
“It looks like you knew a lot about that topic before we started. I wonder what would happen if we tried this next.”
This shift reinforces a growth mindset, helping children understand that learning is about effort, strategy, and perseverance, not just innate talent.
Why It Matters
Focusing on process over product encourages children to:
Take on challenges without fear of failure
Value effort and learning strategies
Develop resilience and problem-solving skills
Over time, children learn to enjoy the process of learning itself, rather than feeling pressure to always be “the smart one.”
Support for Parents and Educators in Columbus, Ohio
Helping children build confidence, resilience, and a growth mindset can feel challenging. At Warburton Family Practice in Columbus, Ohio, we provide psychological evaluations and therapy for children and families. We help children develop skills to thrive academically, socially, and emotionally, while guiding parents in effective ways to encourage growth and learning.
If you’re ready to support your child in building confidence beyond “smart,” we’re here to help.
